never out loud.

this vapor rises, mutates the frame of your body, like a hot summer's day. i'll try to hold on to this memory, even if it's of my own creation. this never happened.

what now, love? say it out loud, love. never out loud.. always on paper or in my head.

never out loud.

i try to sleep but my dreams are make-believe.

i'm not always like this... this nostalgia, this emptiness, this hope... it's not mine, it's yours. i admit, i stole it, but tell me this.. do you ever look in the mirror and tell yourself that these people love you. that they are proud of you. can't you just take the damn compliment? that anyone of these people would be crazy not to want you around... i am not deserving of such things..

things like life, like love, like connection.

bitter, the taste you can give me.

never out loud, i will only love you here, on paper, through my pen, in my head.

now tell me this... how well do you know me..? are these words filled with truth or are they empty? i will put these words to music just to see if you are listening.

i'm screaming in my head... but that is where all of this belongs... only in my head.

never out loud.

never a dull moment. watching the sunset fade over these colorado mountains. through all of that, i am lost. i know where i stand. in this field, this park, so many days... so many wasted because you never knew.

or have you known all along..?

look at me. LOOK AT ME! talking in riddles, hoping someone can decipher what i am trying to say.

i am that vapor rising. i am the alteration in this existence, i am the wave. i am the ocean, the rain... i am lost.

lost.

and still.. i have fallen. hard. scraped my knees, wiping the ten-year-old tears from my twenty-something eyes... i cry to heaven, why is this happening?

and i am answered by the rain... never out loud.