suggestive enlightenment

the Ebb and Flow is washing my hands clean from this dirty existence. and since when should i expect anything from you... since we ended this journey of More. now, nothing, not even negative mortality can hold me at fault. but it will, however, because i am inclined to die everyday. commendation is, in fact, soul to my existence.

if i could only breathe... in this moment, maybe i could change.
what's the point in striving to be something if no one cares to witness? if no one can see? if no one can regard in any sight of my life, the functioning of my soul.

if i could only breathe... i would change.
to fit the mold that was created, to see myself as others Wish to see me.
rose colored glasses and all.

love.

maybe if i could go back into these projected, simulated, youthful memories, i could find something worth meaning, something More... that cannot be found in a coffee shop, or at the bottom of a wine bottle. maybe if... maybe if i could just pretend that things are alright, they will be. i wonder how long it will take for me to drown in my thoughts? thus, another death.

tear-filled eyes, blood soaked sheets, dancing nights; a kiss on the cheek.

my willingness to Be is self expressed by the alcohol i drink, the drugs i inject and the peace of mind that follows. i see it, in the distance, but... i. still. see. it.

do you? can you? why is it so frightening?

this lightening, this noise, the chaos and peace... Ebb and Flow.

these suggestive meanings inspired define the actual.

i'm sorry babe, but this one's for you.

and it damn well is real.